Moving was such a struggle.
Every bone in her body felt bruised and crushed with every move she did make. Knowing she felt that pain made things even harder to do.
But, she still got up.

On her way up, she took her foot up the stairs her hand on the handle.
Losing her balance, a sudden rush hit her like cold water and she held herself up with the palm of her hand against the cold wall. The only thing that was there for her, holding her up, helping her stand on her two feet.
She covered her face with the palm of her hand, other hand still holding herself up with the railing. Her arms shaking from the rush.
Tears burning her eyes, she knew he wasn’t coming back.
She was willing to wait for their love until he came back; but he was certain, even though their love was destined.
Even though he loved her more than this world…he had the strength to walk away.

The universe created two beautiful souls, but time was never of the essence. Facing the truth, knowing what they both had together..
Knowing that she would never find someone like him ever again.
It made her thoughts explode; “How do people survive knowing they’ve already met the best? Living and knowing feels like dying.”
She’d never felt lost, not the way she did right then, at the bottom of the step.

By now, her whole body was as cold as the wall she held a few moment earlier.
Her body was numb to any coldness or trembles, to her all she felt was the empty hole inside growing everytime she felt a little.
Who would she tell? How could she explain such horror feelings and episodes almost daily and as pain eases it becomes weekly.
The only person who understood, walked away.
No one could understand, even if she truly explained the detail of her journey.

As tears kept rolling, eyes still closed; she slowly walked up the stairs walking past an energy of someone who, as she turned her head, wasn’t even there. They were there in her most emotional state, they feel her when her thoughts go toward him.

They say it comes in waves.
It arrives at your feet, the cold numbing the rest of your body in an instant; like a rush. Crushed rocks, sand, left over residue and salt hitting you with it’s instant coldness. Always coming for the next push.
Well, they’re right.


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