God Wanted Me To Tell You Something (2)

📍 Toronto, OntarioWinter Youth Crusade
Friday, February 3rd, 2017 8:00PM

God’s Word was on fire; there were hundreds of souls listening and soaking up what was about to be spoken. The room was full, 2000 hungry souls came this year, and the room was getting a little warm. Everyone was getting so excited and so full of being hungry and wanting more. Some people came because their church back home wasn’t enough.
Others were just as excited to be at their own church as they were to be at Faith Sanctuary!
And for a few dozen it was their last step before giving up entirely.
But they all were here, every single one.

With the music going, it was more beautiful to hear God’s people worship aloud.
The pianist played with one hand on the keyboard and another praising in the air.
Bro. Ryan Mackenzie worshiped the Lord as he waved his handkerchief in the air anxiously waiting for what was about to explode the church’s roof top.
Our hearts and our minds had no idea what was going to be spoken.
Not even a hint.
The worship team moved around sensitive in the Lord’s presence waiting for what was about to be spoken, barley holding their own mic’s as they lifted both hands.
The speaker of the weekend was Bro. Myron Wideman Jr.
He loosened his tie and tapped on his Bible waving it in the air as he started speaking in tongues walking the floor of the platform.
The first service, and the goosebumps were already there; the beauty of standing in Jesus’ presence was so overwhelming some were jumping, dancing, or just simply weeping of thankfulness of just having this opportunity.

What we didn’t realize is we were just visiting the city but Jesus was visiting us aisle by aisle.

He put his finger in the air and spoke as loud and as clear as could be, His people on their toes waiting for what was heard; “Folks, JESUS IS IN THE HOUSE.”

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Melina couldn’t believe how packed the church was full of God’s people ready for church; it was truly an amazing sight and feeling.
She looked around to see if there happen to be anyone she recognized from her childhood but at the time no one met her eyes.
She was on the other side of the church sanctuary on the second floor above.
Looking down seemed like a mile drop. God, what are you doing…
She looked across the crowd what seemed like tiny people from where she stood.
And across that crowd, she stood in her aisle where she sat in the middle with her church friends; her heart dropped to her feet. She stopped dancing, and she slowly continued clapping her hands unto the Lord as she stared across the room where he stood.
She couldn’t believe it…it was really him. It wasn’t impossible, there he is!

That day back in the late fall of November; where the Holy Ghost overwhelmed her she got it again panicking in the middle of service.
The service was only starting she couldn’t miss out, and yet she couldn’t just leave her seat to pace the bathroom floors again;
once again she was here to worship the Lord and that was that.
She was here for no one but God and her walk with Him. It was up to God.
And she was right; God did have a plan amazing thing about it was she had no idea.

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Bro. Myron Wideman Jr. grabbed the mic, so focused on what he was about to say;
so positive from the heart of God. His sweat covered him from head to toe;
God was speaking to everyone and it was overwhelming not to mention how warm it got.
There was something on his mind and it was powerful.
The altar was so full, but people were still pushing through the crowd.
Standing on stairs she tried getting a good spot, while the crowd praying for everyone
and anyone.
“There’s something here, and you need to know this.
This platform is calling your name.
There is someone here who has been there, and almost didn’t survive.
Depression has taken over your entire life, and you’ve kept quiet because of it.
You don’t want anyone to pity you, you don’t want to bother anyone; even your own family. Your friends can’t help you…sometimes helping yourself makes it worse.
It’s not something that can just disappear.
There have been nights when you’ve just wanted to call it off and accept that suicide.
Just to shut your mind off, a moment when there’s silence; of no pain and no horror of what you’ve been through or what your going through…
I know I’m speaking to someone right now!”     Jesus, is that you?

Melina took a grip of the stairway railing as tight as she could in that moment she was holding onto a thread of her life. She suddenly was breaking down because he was right;
as blessed as she’s been with God handling her life sometimes that darkness hovering over her 24/7 made God looked like He wasn’t enough…

She’s skipped going to church a few times because getting out of bed and facing herself in the mirror was more painful; and facing the people that care for you becomes pity accidentally.

There had been nights…when she could have taken a handful of sleeping pills and died peacefully the pain gone just for a minute – but she never because she knew of God’s commandments. And that’s what kept here around – because God.
There have been evenings when there was more tears in the bath then water.
When taking a hot shower is all she felt because her body was always so cold…
It took all her strength and positiveness to stay calm in this trip,
and all of that went away in tears.

Bro. Myron continued;
“How desperate are you to take what’s yours?
How desperate are you to let God in, even with this?
How desperate are you to push through to get to where you need to be in your life?
Push through the crowd and stand on this platform and pray for the person next to you.
When you stand on this platform you’re not only proving to yourself but to the Lord that you have nothing and you’re offering nothing but the tears and heart break – this is how desperate you are because you want more…. Take that step;
how hungry are you to do more for yourself and for God?”

Melina pushed through the crowd.
One part of her wanted to stand on those stairs never moving, staying cold and just ignore her gut; but she kept pushing through.
The pain made her heart beat two times faster; one step down she kept pushing through.
The horror of being limited and of the unknown in herself and the understanding of her thoughts and process; she kept pushing through the crowd.
Her body began to shake but she couldn’t stop now…
Pushing through the crowd made heads turn; she wondered for a split second if she could have suddenly be inspiration for the next person to push through?
Melina could only hear her heart pulse in her ears, her breathing was getting harder keep.
She pushed through until she got to the platform; her whole body numb from the adrenaline. The adrenaline and panic was so insane and overwhelming it felt like she was punched in the stomach. She could hardly keep herself up.
God, did you hear me all those long and lonley nights?
Were you really there when I cried when there wasn’t anymore tears?
Were you really there? Am I really worth your love? For everything that I’ve picked up…that I already laid down at Your feet. Am I worth this pain I’ve caused you?
One by one they walked on the platform Melina started to pray with all the strength she had left. One by one became a larger crowd. By then her face was covered in tears; yelling out to Jesus what she had really been through, what she was already going through.
She knew not to pray about it everyday but it was hard when it took everyday to keep striving…to keep going.
She made room for more and more people to come and pray for one another.
This crowd she was in; they were all standing in front of everyone that stood at the altar or in their pews but no one cared. No one made a side comment about anything because everyone was weeping; and in their zone talking to God.
His presence was so beautiful and so strong how could you not weep?
As she looked around she realized she really was meant to be here on this trip;
he just proved it. Melina turned to her right and there he stood praying too…

He pushed through just like herself and the others.

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📍Hotel Room #1505
Saturday, February, 4th, 2017 2:38AM

As Melina and her friends began getting ready for the night she stopped in her tracks and spoke up; “I think I got the answer I was looking for.
I think I’ve been thinking it all wrong – asking all the wrong questions.
I think there’s something much more…I’m just not sure what that is yet.
I do know that it’s something and it must be here.”
“Do you think it’s over or do you think there’s more with what God is trying to tell you? her friend asked as she got ready for bed too.
Melina laid on her made bed, squishing her face deep in her feathered pillow her voice muffled; “I don’t know.”
“Do you think…maybe…talking to him will show you what God wants to say to him??”
“I don’t know.” Melina repeated as she turned around and stared at the ceiling exhaling of concern and worry.  
A moment of silence was deafening, the conversation of what God might have in store became another form of panic.
“I barley know the guy, I know what God has told me and let me feel and how heavy it’s been… But I can’t just go up to him and be the awkward stranger he met once and say I’ve been praying for you…can I? Is that really all God wants me to say? or do I just wait a little more? There has to be more to it than that. I need a much more of an obvious sign that’s what God wants me to do. I’ve come this far, if I give up now I’m not only giving up on God but on him and I can’t do that.”
“Wow girl, that’s wow…that’s really deep.
We can only hope for the best of what is to come, then.”

Melina laid there, the lights turned off. Everyone’s breathing began to get heavy.
Her eyes became heavy but she strained herself to stay awake.
She couldn’t help but stress about what would happen at the end of this trip – if anything would actually happen about this.     Would it?
And if it did would it end in bad terms or something great?
No, she had to stay positive; if not for her sake then for God’s – there was something here in this trip and she had to believe in that.            
And then she fell soundly asleep…

Saturday, February, 4th, 2017 8:45AM

They stood there in the middle of a crowd, and yet no one stood but the two of them.
It seemed like it was in the middle of the sanctuary…
The music was loud; was it a church service?
And yet they were the only two in the room having this deep and intense conversation;
but what about? Why was Melina talking to him? Did something happen?
And how was she in two places at once; viewing the conversation from afar and yet being part of it??   The lighting was dim and yet very bright? What was going on?!

A high pitched ring filled the air as the dream faded into nothing but the sun hitting her eyes. As she slowly opened them she realized that horrifying sound was her alarm, she pressed the snooze button to stay awake.
If it was a real alarm clock, she would’ve threw it across the room.
Did she really want breakfast that much?      Yes.
She laid there staring at the ceiling trying to wake up;

waking up to such a confusing and heavy dream…
Melina felt like something was screaming at her, but everyone was still sound a sleep.     God?  Was that you?

Getting dressed for breakfast was a struggle, she hit her head just by getting up.
What in the world did God want her to know?
She happend to be at WYC, notice him in the middle of a very large crowd and all of a sudden is dreaming about talking to him? What were they really talking about?!
God, I really need your strength and guidance; I can’t do this alone…
Bro. Myron was right; was surviving all she knew how to do?

Melina took the hotel room key and let the door close behind her with a slight bang.
She had to go for a walk and just breathe… She slowly struggled to put her shoes in the hall way on no care in the world about making her shoe lace knots tighter for later.
As she walked in the  elevator, waiting for the silver doors to close, she turned around stared at her morning hair in the mirror forgetting to brush it before leaving her room. What a glorious sight for all to see.

I cannot handle this kind of drama, God I need coffee first

 

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Ecclesiastes 8:6  For there is a time and a way for everything, although man’s trouble lies heavy on him

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Look forward to my next post on Friday for the 3rd and last post of “God Wanted Me To Tell You Something”!

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(Black screen is a few photos made into a slideshow. If you are having trouble viewing it or you do not have Java Script please click the link below to view the photos.)
Photo Credit:
Ontario Youth
https://www.facebook.com/pg/ontarioyouthupci/photos/?tab=album&album_id=10155195435008814

 

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