Beautiful vs. Misary

I walked along; a crowd ahead.
The laughter of many treasures untold.
I feel like I’m just creeping along, the feeling is getting so old.
She to keep,
her head up high when her body is weighing her down.
If I could just get one more night, hidden under the sheets.
Where it’s like the silence is long buried underground.
Away to be forgotten,
where all the pain is hidden away.
A cold sleep of late,
late night dreams.
Horror and insecurity of never being along;
stays under the cold winter sheets.

“I’m okay” she says;
with a mask playing her daily part.
When all she sees is a broken mirror her real self there,
screaming and just falling apart.

I keep going though, do things I love the most…
Trying to live a happy and satisfying life with friends and family, and God by my side.
When all the pain shows me how lonley and a part I am from everyone I love the most.
Something gets me anytime I want to get too close;
It’s like I don’t deserve any of you…

Maybe it’s because I know my struggle hurts all of you the most.

When you have episodes each one different from before;
you remember every detail and yet you cannot repeat what happend when you just couldn’t get up off the floor.
What do you say when you have no strength to get out of bed that day?
Sometimes it takes weeks just to be able to go for a walk and say “hey”.
Do you make an excuse that you’ve once written before?
Or do you think of a fib instead of telling the world?
She keeps her self safe, and sometimes even sane; but deep down inside it’s hard just to show you this deep darkness about her and agree that everything is going to be okay.

I don’t want those looks of sorrow or pity love;
instead let me help you when you can’t get up off the floor.
I can be there and shine because I believe everything will be okay;
you just keep going until you don’t need me anymore.
I am that friend in the midst of her pain is always there to relate,
and show you that God always makes a way.
To show you that God will be there more than I can be!
I can show the love He provides,
and I can prove that the sun still shines.

This is who I am,
beautiful but in misary.
There are days when all I am is sunshine and sometimes I’m rain;
these times may last an hour even a day or two.
The hard part is…sometimes you never know when you’ll be that sunshine again when all it’s been is pouring rain.

Now you know this; of this and who I am behind closed doors.
The next time you see me it’ll make you wonder she seems all sunshine but today is she rain? When you put two together; when the sun is shining and it’s raining it becomes a beautiful sunshower masquerade.

She can only smile and keep going because His love provides and proves to her everyday. It’s like that song says; “Beautiful, that’s how mercy saw me.”

Mercy Saw Me – Song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPO4bbXeCoA

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